 | 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been
changed |
| 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently |
| 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs |
| 1 to move it to the Lighting section |
| 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section |
| 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs |
| 5 to flame the spell checkers |
| 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames |
| 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to
condemn those 6 as stupid |
| 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is
"lamp" |
| 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb"
is perfectly correct |
| 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take
this discussion to a lightbulb forum |
| 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs
and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum |
| 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to
buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this
technique and what brands are faulty |
| 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs |
| 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's |
| 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this
group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group |
| 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too" |
| 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy |
| 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" |
| 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions
about light bulbs" |
| 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start
it all over again. |
This type of humor leans more to those who provide technical support but many
of you may get a good laugh out of it. I could add others from my many years of
experience but let's not go there. Enjoy.
| UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come
to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece
by piece, arguing nonstop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be
building. |
| Air DOS: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on
and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again,
jump on again, and so on... |
| Mac Airlines: All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket
agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about
details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't
want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to
know, so just shut up. |
| Windows Air: The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards,
easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth takeoff. After about 10 minutes
in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever. |
| Windows NT Air: Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger
planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it
explodes. |
| Linux Air: Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to
start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the
runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the
ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you
board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the
seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable,
the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight
meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the
great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?" |
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T... may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
(At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely,
this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up
the receiver, they were still waiting.)
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
(When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express
yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady
was persistent.)
AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7
days a week, 365 days a year.
(Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she
at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out
the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.)
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's
right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the
end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get
a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365
days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year.
I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute. Are
you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a
minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal
telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know.
Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold on.
(So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while
I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a
mouth full of food:)
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute
program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
(I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress
my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.)
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I
could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping
you.
Me: Thank you.
(I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to end this
conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other
end of the phone.)
AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for
our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough
friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AT&T: (click)
- I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't
park anywhere near the place.
- When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a
great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many
people ask if I'm leaving.
- When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard.
I was an only child - eventually.
- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I
put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights.
Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
- I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on
purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it
(moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)
. .and says, "Here, you can go."
- I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy
anything specific.
- I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little
pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran
around in circles.
- I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.
- I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to
add.
- I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know
how I got there.
- I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a
wakeup letter.
- When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my
girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back
by 8:15." I said, "the middle of August?
Cool!"
- My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you
could know how and when you were going to die, would you
want to know?" I said, "No." She said,
"Okay, forget it."
- I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I
was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."
- Hermits have no peer pressure.
- Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many
memories.
- There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on
the shore like an idiot.
- How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live
there?
- I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live
above me are furious.
- It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always
room temperature.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.
- By the time you can make ends meet, someone has moved the
ends.
- It has recently been discovered that research causes
cancer in rats.
- Always remember to pillage before you burn.
- The trouble with doing things right the first time is no
one appreciates how difficult it was.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to
serve as a warning to others.
- If "clothes make a man" then naked people
should be ignored since they have no influence on
society.
- Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by moving to
where you can't find them.
- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of
preparation.
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- The facts, although interesting, are usually irrelevant.
- Things are more like they are today then they ever have
been before.
- Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no
simpler.
- If you can smile when things go wrong then you have
someone in mind to blame.
- It is a sad fact that one-seventh of your life will be
spent on a Monday.
- The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen
and stupidity.
- We can sympathize with a child who is afraid of the dark,
but the tragedy of life is that most people are afraid of
the light.
- Employ teenagers while they know everything.
- The best antiques are old friends.
- Down with gravity.
- Nobody's perfect... and since I'm a nobody...
- People who eat natural foods die of natural causes.
- When my ship came in... I was at the airport.
- Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind then
it really doesn't matter.
- When the cat's away there are fewer hairs on the couch.
- An expert is nothing more than an ordinary person away
from home.
- Can you cry under water?
- Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?
- Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Taxes?
- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
- How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for
MissAmerica?
- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.
- I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!
- Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press Ctrl Alt Delete and start all over?
- If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
with something called labor!
- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
- If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
- Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal that
eats only endangered plants?
- Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
- Is it possible to be totally partial?
- What's another word for thesaurus?
- If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?
- Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid
someone will clean them?
- Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
- If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive
with their lights off?
- If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a
sound?
- When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
- Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the
right to remain silent?
- Why is the word abbreviation so long?
- When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
- If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all
right?
These are things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters who had the
torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually
taking place:
- Court Quotes #1
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
- Court Quotes #2
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
- Court Quotes #3
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
that you've forgotten?
- Court Quotes #4
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
- Court Quotes #5
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when
he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
- Court Quotes #6
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
- Court Quotes #7
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
- Court Quotes #8
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school
for it.
- Court Quotes #9
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
- Court Quotes #10
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red
and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her
car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
- Court Quotes #11
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
- Court Quotes #12
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
- Court Quotes #13
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
- Court Quotes #14
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
- Court Quotes #15
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
- Court Quotes #16
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
- Court Quotes #17
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
- Court Quotes #18
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
- Court Quotes #19
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
- Court Quotes #20
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
- Court Quotes #21
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
A: Oral.
- Court Quotes #22
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy.
- Court Quotes #23
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
- Court Quotes #24
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive
nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
- Man Struck By Lightening Faces Battery Charges
- New Study of Obesity Looks For Larger Testing Group
- Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas On Spacecraft
- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
- Chef Throws His Heart Into Feeding The Needy
- Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
- British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
- Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
- Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
- Air Head Fired
- Prosecutor Releases Probe Into Undersheriff
- Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an
idiot.
- All generalizations are false.
- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- I brake for no apparent reason.
- Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
- Forget about World Peace. Visualize using your turn
signal.
- Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
- I love cats; they taste just like chicken.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Born free. Taxed to death.
- Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
- Rehab is for quitters.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
- Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
- Montana - At least our cows are sane!
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be
a vegetarian.
- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
- If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
- When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is
like the IRS.
- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
- No radio - Already stolen.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- Horn broken. Watch for finger.
- OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
- Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- Hard work has a future payoff.
- Laziness pays off NOW.
- IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
- Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its
students.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
- Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited
inventory.
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may
be happy.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- i souport publik edekashun.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count &
those who can't.
- Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky
tire.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Always remember you're unique -- just like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning
to others.
- It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without
your help.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably
worth it.
- Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to
frown, But, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack that jerk
upside the head.
- The things that come to those who wait are what's left behind by those who
got there first.
- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either!
- Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
- Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
- Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
back in your pocket.
- Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.
- I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
- Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
- Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger
stick.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That
way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Help! by the Beatles with words by R.S.
Help! -- I need somebody
Help! -- not just anybody
Help! -- you know I need a techie
Help!
When I was younger -- so much younger than today
I never needed the Help Desk's help in any way
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self-assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and let them do their job
Help me if you can, my system's down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my computer back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me
- Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by
killing all those who opposed them.
- If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably
haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
- Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG
fourteen times gives you job security.
- Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
- A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
- Plagiarism saves time.
- TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- The beatings will continue until morale improves.
- Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
- We waste time, so you don't have to.
- Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
- INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
- Succeed in spite of management.
- Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
- Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
- Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other
passengers.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up,
all of you just shut UP!"
- Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
- Sell Girl Scout cookies.
- On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the
elevator.
- Shave.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got
enough air in there?"
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours
upside-down.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
getting off.
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then
act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them
to call you Admiral.
- One word: Flatulence!
- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open
until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
- Do Tai Chi exercises.
- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce:
"I've got new socks on!"
- When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now,
motion sickness again!"
- Give religious tracts to each passenger.
- Meow occasionally.
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
- Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
- Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
- Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
- Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of
THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
- Burp, and then say "mmmm... tasty!"
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
- Start a sing-along.
- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
- Play the harmonica.
- Shadow box.
- Say "Ding!" at each floor.
- Lean against the button panel. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push
the red buttons.
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers that this is your "personal space."
- Bring a chair along.
- Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh
mouf?"
- Blow spit bubbles.
- Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
- Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.
- Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
- If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
- Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.
- Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get
them off!"
- Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.
- Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other
passengers like they are crazy.
- Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a
bath robe.
- Mutter something about an alligator in the shower.
- Make chalk drawings on the walls.
- As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I
said down!"
- Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.
- Try to get a game of "Twister" going.
- Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your underarm.
Disclaimer: None of the humor here is intended to be
offensive. If it is we apologize in advance. Send us an e-mail so
we can evaluate what we have included and possibly remove it. Thank
you.
Copyright Visual Appeal ©2008
Last revised:
March 29, 2008
